Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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