I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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