Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
