Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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