Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
