My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
