like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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