you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
