He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
