bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
