Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
