loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
