She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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