I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
