Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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