Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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