he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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