toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
