No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
