ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
