My brain says no but my pants say off.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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