guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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