she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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