i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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