Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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