Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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