I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
