yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
