I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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