i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
