well I can't set my house on fire every night
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You took a bar mat shot.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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