One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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