It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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