So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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