You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
