When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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