Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
