he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
