Don't make out with my wife yet
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
