Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
