He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
