I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
