Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
