you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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