True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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