Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
