I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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