halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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