fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
