I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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