i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
