shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
where am i from again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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