Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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