Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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