whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
