to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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