I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
