I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
