Plan B is the new Plan A
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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