its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
