i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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