He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
