So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize