I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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