i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
