I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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