Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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