New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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