id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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