That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
