Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
