P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
