i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
