Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
