My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
