So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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