just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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