It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
