I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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