party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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