I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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