I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
