this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
