We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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