I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
