i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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